The Monaco Grand Prix is a historic event steeped in tradition.
Its two most venerated traditions are complaining about how processional the race is; then suggesting unfeasible means of ‘improving’ it, the more artificial and unrealistic the better.
This year’s offering was even more outlandish than usual, no doubt inspired by the fact last year’s in-vogue brainwave – two mandatory tyre changes – was actually adopted by the FIA. Unsurprisingly, it failed to prove the cure-all that some, for reasons passing understanding, had persuaded themselves it would be.
“I’ve never jumped out of a car so disappointed almost with the whole thing because it was really, really, really bad,” bemoaned a still-depressed Carlos Sainz Jnr in yesterday’s FIA press conference. “It was very slow. Like, the slowest I’ve ever gone in a Formula 1 car.”
Undeterred by having plunged F1’s midfield racers to these levels of misery, some continue to believe F1 can legislate its way to better racing on a track its cars are plainly too large to race on. So here comes a fresh crop of ‘solutions’.
All manner of money-no-object plans to extend the track into the harbour were floated. Mercedes’ team principal Toto Wolff wants a maximum lap time to stop drivers intentionally holding up their rivals. His Williams counterpart James Vowles called for rallycross-style joker laps (George Russell was clearly one step ahead of him).
Fernando Alonso was deeply unimpressed that the chatter about Monaco was overshadowing the build-up to his home race. He was in no mood to indulge endless questions from some of those who seemingly regard every track lacking a two-kilometre DRS zone as a problem needing a solution.
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“There is this constant talk about how bad something is instead of how good something is,” he said. “This is Monaco. Maybe there are a couple of ideas that, between all involving the sport, drivers, FIA, teams, we can think about, but I don’t think that there is any need to think something.
“It’s only because there is a lot of content now to be created, and drivers, we are too nice so we answer every question. If 40 years ago you ask Senna and Prost – and they are fighting for the championship or whatever – about Monaco one week [later], they would be less polite than we are now.”
Alonso is F1’s most experienced driver ever and currently its oldest competitor, so he might be expected to have a rose-tinted view on the subject. But Oliver Bearman, one of the series’ youngest competitors, offered an equally sound assessment of the interminable Monaco debate. It deserves to be the last word on the matter not merely for this year, but for good.
“Looking at the stats, it’s not like Monaco used to have a bunch of overtakes and now it doesn’t,” he pointed out. “It’s never been a track where the race is particularly exciting.
“People just need to accept that the thrill of Monaco is on Saturday in qualifying. It’s always going to be a boring race with a track of that size.
“Unfortunately, with the cars of this size, nothing’s going to happen. I think smaller cars would be better, but I don’t think it’s going to fix everything, because 20, 30 years ago, it was the same scenario – not many overtakes.
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“But quali is where the fun is in Monaco, and that’s even more reason to qualify well: then you don’t get stuck in the train.”
Sadly, the suggestion that those running F1 will ever be persuaded to accept Monaco for what it is may be the least realistic idea of all. See you all for next year’s reverse-grid, double-points, mandatory-three-pit stop Monaco Grand Prix.
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